The Happiest Land (other Verses)

(_After Longfellow_)

There sat one day in a tavern,
Somewhere near Lincoln's Inn,
Six sleepy-looking working men,
Imbibing 'twos' of gin.

The Potman filled their tankards
With the liquor each preferred,
Torpid and somnolent they sat,
And spake not one rude word.

But when the potman vanished,
A brawny Scot stood forth;
'Change here,' quoth he, 'for Aberdeen,
Strathpeffer and the North!

'No country in the world, I ken,
With Scotia can compare,
With all the dour and canny men,
And the bonnie lasses there.

'I hae a wee bit hoosie,
An' a burn runs greetin' by,
An' unco crockit Minister
An' a bairn to milk the ki';

'I hae a muckle haggis,
A bap an' a skian-dhu,
A cairngorm and a bannock,
An' a sonsy kailyard too!'

'Bejabers! ' said an Irishman,
'Acushla and Ochone!
There's but one country on the Earth,
Ould Oireland stands alone!

'Give me the Emerald Isle, avick!
With murphies for to ate,
An' as many pigs and childer
As the fingers on me _fate_.'

Exclaimed a Frenchman, 'Par Exemple!
Donnez-moi ma Patrie!
Vin ordinaire and savoir faire
Are good enough for me!

'Have you the penknife of my Aunt?
Mais non, helas! but then,
The female gardener has got
Some paper and a pen!'

Then spoke a Greek, 'The Isles of Greece!
What can compare with those?
Thalassa! and Eureka!
Rhododaktylos eos!'

'On London streets I'm working,
With a vat of asphalt stew,
Putting off the old macadam,
And a-laying down the new;

'But the country of my childhood
Is the best that man may know,
Oh didemi also phemi,
Zoe mou sas agapo!'

Straight rose a German and remarked
'Vot of die Vaterland?
Ach Himmel! Unberuefen!
And the luffly German band?

'Gif me some Gotterdammerung,
And nuddings more I need,
But ewigkeit and sauerkraut
And niebelungenlied!'

'Nonsense! ' exclaimed an Englishman.
('I surely ought to know! )
Old England is the only place
Where any man should go!

'Show me the something furriner
Who such a fact denies,
And, if I can't convince 'im,
I can black 'is bloomin' eyes!'

Then entered in the potman,
And pointed to the door;
'Outside,' said he, 'is where _you_'ll go,
If I have any more!'

It was six friendly working men,
Brimming with 'twos' of gin,
Who crept from out the tavern,
As the Dawn came creeping in.

End of title

Toggle Dropdown