The Conversational Reformer

When Theo: Roos: unfurled his bann:
As Pres: of an immense Repub:
And sought to manufact: a plan
For saving people troub: .
His mode of spelling (termed phonet: )
Affec: my brain like an emet: .

And I evolved a scheme (_pro tem_)
To simplify my mother-tongue,
That so in fame I might resem:
Upt: Sinc: , who wrote "The Jung: ,"
And rouse an interest enorm:
In conversational reform.

I grudge the time my fellows waste
Completing words that are so comm:
Wherever peop: of cult: and taste
Habitually predom: .
'T would surely tend to simpli: life
Could they but be curtailed a trif: .

For is not "Brev: the Soul of Wit"?
(Inscribe this mott: upon your badge).
The sense will never suff: a bit,
If left to the imag: ,
Since any pers: can see what's meant
By words so simp: as "husb: " or "gent: ."

When at some meal (at dinn: for inst: )
You hand your unc: an empty plate,
Or ask your aunt (that charming spinst: )
To pass you the potat: ,
They have too much sagac: , I trust,
To give you sug: or pep: or must: .

If you require a slice of mutt: ,
You'll find the salfsame princ: hold good,
Nor get, instead of bread and butt: ,
Some tapioca pudd: ,
Nor vainly bid some boon-compan:
Replen: with Burg: his vacant can.

At golf, if your oppon: should ask
Why in a haz: your nib: is sunk.
And you explain your fav'rite Hask:
Lies buried in a bunk: ,
He cannot very well misund:
That you (poor fooz: ) have made a blund: .

If this is prob: -- nay, even cert: --
My scheme at once becomes attrac:
And I (pray pard: a litt: impert: )
A public benefac:
Who saves his fellow-man and neighb:
A large amount of needless lab: .

Gent: Reader, if to me you'll list:
And not be irritab: or peev: ,
You'll find it of tremend: assist:
This habit of abbrev: ,
Which grows like some infec. disease,
Like chron: paral: or German meas: .

And ev'ry living human bipe:
Will feel his heart grow grate: and warm
As he becomes the loy: discip:
Of my partic: reform,
(Which don't confuse with that, I beg,
Of Brander Math: or And: Carneg: ).

"Tis not in mort: to comm: success,"
As Add. remarked; but if my meth:
Does something to dimin: or less:
The waste of public breath,
My country, overcome with grat:
Should in my hon: erect a stat: .

My bust by Rod: (what matt: the cost? )
Shall be exhib: , devoid of charge,
With (in the Public Lib: at Bost: )
My full-length port: by Sarge: ,
That thous: from Pitts: or Wash: may swarm
To worsh: the Found: of this Reform.

Meanwhile I seek with some avid:
The fav: of your polite consid: .

End of title