Only page of title Fairly Easy
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(The kind with collapsible joints);
Ho! bring me my bundle of passes,
My pencils (the ones that have points);
Ho! give me my 'topper,'
The head-dress that's proper
For meetings where Royalties muster;
Put scent on my 'hanky'
(That's quite enough, thankye! )
And polish my boots with a duster;
That so I may venture, with grace and composure,
To mix with my peers in the Royal Enclosure!
Enrapture the masculine gaze,
How oft I've indulged in excesses
Of hock-cup and cold mayonnaise!
How oft in the Paddock
(Though squashed like a haddock)
Each thoroughbred's heels I've eluded!
What fortunes I've flung to
The Ring, which they've clung to,
Those touts who my pockets denuded!
What niggardly odds did those bookmakers lay me!
(How often have ladies forgotten to pay me! )
Society leans on the rails,
And sport is enjoyed in conjunction
With lobsters and underdone quails!
While Rank and while Fashion
Regard with compassion
The antics of clown or of nigger,
But one imperfection
Appears, on inspection,
This party to mar or disfigure:
'Twould be the most perfect of meetings and courses,
If only -- -- if only there weren't any horses!
End of title
